Foreword: This is a very personal piece of writing from two and a half years ago that I simply haven’t had the guts to share until now. I was even toying with the idea of switching the perspective to third person narrative in order to distance myself from it. But this morning, I realised I wanted to share it as is, with all its raw, unkempt energy. I had never been keener to write anything in such a hurry than this, in the heat of the moment.
At the time, I needed to create tangible evidence of how this was affecting me, and fictionalising it seemed like the perfect conduit for that. Basically, amid a period of self-inflicted stress and trying not to succumb to life pressures with my boyfriend (now happy to say he’s my husband), I inadvertently dealt with these frustrations through bouts of furious masturbation (with whatever vegetables I could find) and well..sharing full-frontal (i.e. really not anonymous) videos with a complete stranger – someone who I had never met but felt a connection to – it was tenuous, really and I shouldn’t have approached it in that way at all. It probably didn’t help that I was away from home for six weeks in Japan (both as a kind of holiday and for work).
It was honestly a hellish time, one in which I would step onto a train full of people and breathe in the air so deeply I’d get off on the smell of their sweat. Regretful as I am about the way I went about expressing myself back then – this piece of fiction still remains as a stark reminder of the sexual re-awakening I was going through. Truthfully, there are things I’ve discovered about my own desires since then that I am grateful for. At the end of the day, that guy didn’t cause anything new to come to light – I did that all by myself.
So, without further ado – here’s Mindfuck. It’s unedited and exactly how I intended it to be at the time. No point changing it for the sake of convenience or modesty. Screw that.
If someone gave you a keyless Pandora’s Box full of dirty secrets, would you be tempted to search for the key – or better still, force the thing open with your bare hands? And if all your eyes can grasp is a sliver of light through the window, something vaguely shining in the distance, my guess is that your interest would only become more intense. That’s what it’s like to get well and truly mind-fucked.
I walk around this newly discovered box, tentatively, being sure not to leave behind any trace of my footsteps. No imprints. No suggestions. Nothing that might prove that I was there. Peering back inside through that same window I notice that the interior is piled with dirt up to the ceiling. Filthy, stinking dirt, some of it clinging to the walls with a sense of putrid satisfaction. I push my hands against the wall. It begins to give way, melting tumultuously past the gaps between my fingers. I manage to push my arms through to the other side as I feel a musky air enveloping them. Now, covered in some nondescript mixture of plasterboard and membrane, my hands brush against the summit of one of those dirt piles, creating a cold and wet but oddly sensual feeling.
Steadily, I move forward, feeling myself being drawn in by the owner of this labyrinth of a mind; the Summoner of Smut, the Incubator of Innuendos – he has many names but not one of them can describe the tangled complexity of the experience he provides. I feel the brown mud encroaching upon my face, slowly filling me up, pervading my nostrils like a bad nightmare where I can’t breathe but I know somewhere here there’s an aphrodisiac potent enough to rip the molecules of that mud apart. Completely.
I grope my way through the dirt, suffocating, drowning in the onslaught of muffled pleasures. My skin throbs as I stumble past walls of hard flesh, pulsating grotesquely around me. I swear I can even hear a deep yet faint heartbeat, pounding the organism’s thick blood around it like a bullet train. My hands clutch at the walls and I sink my fingers hard into the undulating live monster surrounding my miniscule self, just so I can find my way through. Dirt keeps pouring forth towards me, some of it getting into the very crevices of my ears. All sound dies and becomes nothing more than vibrations in the air. My ears are full up as both dirt and wax combine in an unpleasant meeting. I have to keep blinking to stop tiny specs of sand-like crap from entering my eyes.
But still, I push my way through the endless, twisted tunnels, hoping I’ll be able to come up for breath soon. No such luck. My hands are suddenly and inexplicably laden with a white, milky substance which drips sultrily from the tips of my fingers as it falls and hits the ground below. Bringing my fingers to my mouth, I lick at it, carefully at first. It tastes bitter but each time my tongue explores it, my palette grows accustomed to a lust-rich smell and the thick and slippery texture. I realise that it isn’t so bad after all. In fact, I find that I’m rather enjoying this.
I proceed to squelch my way through those gruelling, unrelenting tunnels once more, having taken in more than my fill of that blissful substance. Some of it still clings to my uvulae, making me gag a little. It threatens to slip down my throat at any moment. I swallow slowly, letting it caress the inner walls of my airways. I let out an orgasmic moan as I feel it sliding softly through me, past my chest, through my veins and into my blood—creating a new hybrid sensation.
Then, without warning, the tunnels close in on me and my thighs become slaves to the fleshy tissue either side of them, pushed inwards like sardines in a can. I feel like I could snap in two at any moment. But I don’t. My resilience remains intact even as I’m forced to press my ass up against the wall. I let out a cry as something slithers underneath my top and rips it violently, tearing it into pieces which disappear into the dark abyss that has already opened up below me. The creature thrashes at my face, knocking my glasses off and smashing the lenses into useless shards.
Wrapping itself around my breasts hungrily, it circles my nipples roughly and painfully. Despite my resistance, with each pinch and twist I become wetter and more aroused. My supple flesh is pulled outwards as this monstrous creature ogles my breasts, squashing them from side to side, so that occasionally they collide with one another. Then, I feel another intruder snaking its way up my legs, embracing them tenderly at first, but soon the grip becomes more intense and difficult to bear. I screw up my face in disgust as it mauls my body. But no amount of disgust can stop the rush of blood that shoots straight to my clitoris. My pussy pulsates as I feel the monster making its way to my groin. It pushes its tip against the clit that it knows is so aroused, stimulating it mercilessly. I scream out in both pleasure and pain. I’m starting to lose control of my body. I try to thrash my legs about hoping for a chance to wriggle free, but the monster changes tactics and rams itself into my wet pussy. This causes my primal, sensual juices to leak from within me and drop down into the abyss.
The monster is fucking me hard now, without so much as a hint of slowing down. I can’t hold back. The strong, rock solid member that is pervading my entire being feels so damn good it hurts. I’m in pain, but I want to come myself into oblivion. As if reading my thoughts, the creature slips around to my ass, stroking at my tight hole. Then, I feel a kind of suction device attach itself to me, sucking air in and out of my ass, creating a deep pressure inside of me. I writhe around as my breasts are still being massacred and teased by the first visitor. My nipples are turning red but they are so hard and I want the attention despite the pain. The suction ceases, the device is removed, and I can feel a slippery sensation taking over my asshole.
I yell out as it stretches me, opening me up like a packet of sweets. Without hesitation, a snake-like “thing” enters my orifice, pushing and shoving itself in and out and around me in circular motions. It is deep inside me now and I have to clench my buttocks as I feel it hitting a sensitive spot. Anal juices start to flow out steadily as it fucks me in the ass.
My pleasure is at its peak and I just close my eyes and let the monster take all of me in. Soon, a third addition to the party joins in and invades my pussy once more. Now, I’m being probed from every angle, deep and fast. There is nothing quite like this feeling.
I come, gasping for air as I do. My juices splash out around me and disappear into that abyss.
Looking up, I see the wall of this impenetrable Pandora’s Box, my hand resting on it to help me keep my balance. I push at it slightly to make sure I’m not dreaming.
No, this is real. There is a wall here.
I peer down at my legs as I’m kneeling on the ground with my fingers in my pussy. Everything is soaked to the brim. Juices everywhere.
Someone has already taken my heart, but my mind has been hacked into, the password changed, the code rewritten.
I’ve been mind-fucked.
And I love it.